That’s why I don’t go more than a half-mph over the speed limit when I have my grandson charges with me. I wouldn’t want their mom to think I didn’t practice safe driving when they’re buckled in the back seat.
Not so, her. Well, perhaps that’s harsh. Melissa drives with ultimate care. Far be it from me to besmirch her, or her driving acumen. She drives accident free, which is more than I can say for me.
On the other hand, perhaps I should let her record speak for itself. And, the other day, her Parnelli Jones impression could have put her in the slammer and the boys, with foster parents, were it not for Jack’s advice from his booster seat.
The official version is that a deputy pulled Mom over with all her brood buckled safely in their respective seats, although baby Patrick was wailing at the top of his lungs because he rebels at the harness.
As the deputy approached the car, Jack could have played Clyde to her Bonnie and urged her to peel out.
Or the just-turned-5-year-old could have channeled James Cagney and said, “You dirty RAT, mommy, don’t let the copper take you ALIVE, Ma!”
Of course, even Cagney sometimes denied having said that:
Besides, Jack’s not the grapefruit-in-the-face type.
Depending on the situation, Jack can be a prevaricator or a peacemaker. On this occasion, he took the higher, and wiser, road and advised: “Do whatever he says, Mommy. Do WHATEVER he says!!”
I don’t know where Jack got such street smarts, but they stood her in good stead when the copper told her she had been going 57 in a 45.
Thank God for her, John Law stretched the thin blue line when he saw the crying baby and the other three lads and cut her a deal. The warning got her out of a possible $240 fine, but she still was on the hook for not having her current insurance card along for the ride on the wild side.
Talk about the wild side: If she doesn’t lighten up, she apparently could be on the road to perdition, like Ma Barker and HER boys.
Oh, I know she won’t take that route. But still, she keeps floating the story line that there’s no WAY she could have been going that fast. She claims she thought she might have had a burned-out taillight when she saw the copper’s lights.
In FACT, she’s replayed it in her head and in conversations, and contends to this day that there’s no way she could have been going that fast after just leaving a stoplight.
With a weak alibi like that, and setting such a lame example, she shouldn’t be surprised when her boys get into mischief and trump up an excuse or deflect the blame to somebody else.
Mayhaps Jack will go out like Cagney in “White Heat,” rejoicing even at the point of death: “I made it, Ma: the top of the WORLD.”
Jack looks sooooooooo threatening with a gun, no?
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