Amelia Makes an, Uh, Shall We Say, Interesting First Impression

Some days, as the saying goes, you’re the windshield, and other days, you’re the bug.
Some days, you’re Miss Muffet, sitting on your tuffet; other days, you’re the tuffet, sat upon.
Some days, you feel put upon, and others, you get shat upon.
And NOW, the back story:
If Thomas the Tank Engine is around when my youngest grandchild, Amelia, is of the age to appreciate the series, I’m sure she’ll see the ninth episode of the fifth season of the wildly popular series. (It will be interesting to see whether she likes the series as much as her ultra-macho cousins do.)
The episode’s title is “Put Upon Percy,” and it recounts the misery of the little engine one day when he felt put upon.
All the other little engines teased him, taunting, “Percy's been put upon, put upon, put upon, put upon, Percy's been put upon. Poor old Percy — tee hee hee hee hee!"




They just can’t let up, as they continue the torment with this phrase: "Percy has been put upon. I am, I am, I am!"
Of course, the repetition of “I am” brings to mind Dr. Seuss’ “Green Eggs and Ham.” Well, it does for me, anyway, and this is my blog, it am.
And that, of course, brings me to the day Amelia used me like Miss Muffet’s tuffet, and sat upon me. Of course, I was thrilled, because it was my first visit with my first granddaughter. Until she decided to give me a REAL welcome, and shat upon me as well (looked a little like yellow curds and whey, by the way).
Of course, that reminds me of Dr. Seuss again, his famed “Cat in the Hat.” If you can’t keep track of my train of thought, that’s your tough luck. You must feel as put upon as poor Percy.
But that’s better than being shat upon. I know she doesn’t know anybody, and that’s what babies do, after all. But it was a brand-new T-shirt, and it looked as if I’d sprayed myself with mustard.
There was a cat in the house, but she could not have done her deed where the cat shat; indeed, she couldn’t have left her deposit in a hat.
At this point, I’ll just apologize to the spirit of Dr. Seuss, and offer this reflection:

The diaper did not hold,
It was too weak for the load.
So it squirted out
When the breast milk hit the road.

I stood there with Amelia.
We stood there, we two.
And I said to my daughter:
Annie, she just went doo-doo.

Too surprised to react
And reluctant to change a mess.
So I stood their stupidly,
’Til Annie grabbed the little lass.

Since all she had done was
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Annie changed her diaper,
And she didn’t like it one bit.

I could go on. And on. And on,
But you wouldn’t like that.
Besides, I can’t beat the rhyme
And pentameter of the Cat in the Hat.

I would just cause you to groan
So this Grinch will go on the lam.
So you don’t wretch something
That looks like green eggs and ham.

Others have been creative with the concept, as well:



Other than being put upon that once, I had a great visit with Amelia and her parents. She charmed the sox off of this silver fox, although I should note that she can screech like a banshee on occasion.
We went to the zoo while I was there, but I’m grateful that we didn’t go to the beach. I HATE to get sand twixt my toes and in various other crevasses we’ll leave unmentioned.

It appears she shares my sentiments:


But she's a starlet in my skies with those shades on her eyes.


In closing, I’ll prevail upon Dr. Seuss just one more time with some final quotes from one of his 44 children’s books to welcome Amelia into the world:

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away! . . .

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights. . . .

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.